On Exercise and Eating Disorders
In the same way that “clean eating” has been used by some, increasingly, as a pretext for eating disorders, so exercise can be misused and abused. People ask me about the value of exercise, addiction to exercise, exercising whilst still in the throes of an ED and generally the huge scope there is for abuse. Really the same could be said about many things - sex, shopping, drinking. So here’s what I think.
In the words of the Wombles, “exercise is good for you, laziness is not”. You need food to be healthy and you need exercise to be healthy. Both can be abused but we need to learn to incorporate them into our lives again in a balanced way. We all know we need exercise to keep our hearts, lungs, muscles, bones and minds healthy and strong, and hopefully carry us into a long and fulfilling life. But how do we achieve this without becoming addicted whilst maintaining a healthy perspective?
My last relapse into anorexia was 17 years ago, in my twenties, and I’ve learnt a few things along the way. Namely, you have to be totally honest with yourself and stop pretending. Not easy when we’ve become masters of our own deception. Stop hiding, take a deep breath and recognise that you may need help. Be it from a trusted friend or family member, or a professional. Deep down I’ve known when I’ve over compensated on a Monday for “over indulging” at the weekend. I’ve known when I’ve punished myself on a run or at the track, gym or pool. I’ve known when I’ve supposedly cared so much about the environment that I stopped using the car and walked or cycled everywhere. Yes exercise is good for you but there are three crucial questions that need to be answered to ensure a healthy relationship with exercise.
Firstly, what is your true motivation? If you are doing it for the wrong reasons then you can be pretty sure it still has a hold on you and it will torture you. Yes you will feel great because of the rush of endorphins, that’s mere physiology, but your mind will remain captive to the negative thoughts of the eating disorder and the addiction to exercise.
Secondly, how much headspace does it take up? If you find you’re constantly thinking about it at the expense of other things in life that require your attention, there’s your clue that it’s becoming an unhealthy habit or even an obsession.
Finally, how do you feel when you cannot participate in your chosen sport? When you’re injured, do you get frustrated because you’re in pain? Because you can’t do what you love? Because being out running, or doing your exercise of choice, frees your mind and it’s where and how you process stuff? There are all valid and understandable reasons. Or, are you willing to consider the possibility that you’re frustrated because you’re not burning calories? You’re not offsetting what you’ve eaten? Are you really just worrying about loss of fitness or will you recognise that there are some deeper fears about your identity and image with others? We must be ruthlessly honest with ourselves. If we catch these thoughts early enough, we can reset and reposition ourselves, with the right help. If we leave them unchecked, we run the risk of spiralling downward, maybe in 3 months maybe in 3 years.
In my own journey, with the help of faithful friends and competent professionals bound in with my Christian faith, I can now rejoice at what my body is able to do and with the right perspective. I’ve run and swum distances I never in my wildest dreams thought I could. We only get one life and having spent so long cursing and despising my body I’ve finally gained a whole new appreciation for it and I’m grateful for every day that it can function as it is intended to. I do what I do, to look after it and care for it. Not to punish it. Out of love, not loathing.
It IS possible.